Health and Wellness: Maintaining Positivity

I have a confession, I'm not a positive person.  I think I usually have a negative inner dialogue.  I like having the freedom to be grouchy and give that intimidating LOOK to those who irk me.  I'm not precisely sure why this is, but it's true.  Perhaps it makes me feel powerful, perhaps it's just reality that sometimes we are grouchy and negative and I enjoy freedom to be me.  This is one thing I haven't psychoanalyzed.  Being grouchy every morning is definitely different from being a generally negative person.  I can spot the flaws in anything and can dwell on them to the point of obsession.  That isn't healthy.  At all.  It can be difficult to keep a balance between allowing myself the freedom to be grouchy and trying to let go of negativity.  This is one balance that I have to work on all the time because it is very easy for morning grouchiness to turn to depression and anger.  My mornings are almost always a rough transition because I'm trying to move from my morning grouchy-ness to a good mood.  Sometimes this is extremely difficult and I need outside help.  Yesterday I put a playlist on Pandora (nature sounds with music) and decided to meditate.  I measured my feelings, weighed the reasoning behind them, and let my emotions flow as I acknowledged them and worked to move on from that point.  It is one of the many things I have learned over the years that help me to maintain a positive outlook on life.  Acknowledging negative emotions, allowing ourselves to experience them, and then focusing on positive things is one healthy way to gain emotional and mental health.  It doesn't bother me that I wake up grouchy, it's when I can't seem to snap out of it and begin to feel like I'm in a rut that bothers me.

One of my dad's cactus blossoms

When I was working on my bachelor's degree, I had a class over a summer called Positive Psychology.  This class is what changed my view of negativity and positivity.  What is Positive Psychology?  Peterson (2006) states that, "Positive psychologists study positive traits and dispositions--characteristics like kindness, curiosity, and the ability to work on a team--as well as values, interests, talents, and abilities.  They study social situations that can enable the good life: friendship, marriage, family, education, religion, and so on" (p. 8).  What does that mean?  It means that psychologist who study those things do not focus on "the problem".  They acknowledge the problem and focus on positive aspects that can help build better health for the individual.  In social work this method is called "strengths based".  I love these methods of helping people, and I love being able to use them for myself.  It takes some time and self-awareness to train your mind to look at things positively instead of negatively, but it is doable and worth it.  Let me share an experience I had in my teens.

I was in art class with a group of girls during high school.  One of them told me and another girl that we claimed to hate a lot of things.  I remember feeling a bit appalled at myself that somebody noticed something like that about me.  So, to challenge that, me and the other girl decided to make a game out of it by saying that we loved something opposite of whatever we hated.  Being teenagers, it came across as sarcastic from time to time, but it helped to change my mindset.  I started to think of things that made me happy or joyful instead of the things I disliked.  As I got older I learned how to finely tune this and become more and more aware of the things I focus on.

In one of my social work classes, the professor showed us the following video.  It reminded me of another thing from my past, but also of the impact that focusing on positive things can have on our wellbeing.


The story from my childhood: I have two younger brothers and I was a TERRIBLE big sister.  I was mean, very mean, to my brothers.  My parents were always trying to find ways to get me to be nicer to them.  One way was to write things to learn to do differently.  I think I must have said something extremely hateful to the older of my two brothers because my mom had me write a Bible verse 200 times to learn to think and say positive things.  It is the Bible verse mentioned in the video above.  As an adult, some 20 years later (or so), I can still remember that verse.  It is a good principle to live by regardless of spiritual/religious belief.

"Finally brothers, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." Philippians 4:8

What would our lives be like if everyone we were around focused only on these things? What would our lives look like if we changed our own mindsets to think of things that are lovely and good and true?  Our lives are inundated with negativity from every corner.  We almost have to live in a bubble to weed out everything.  While we cannot control the things that others say and do, we can control the things we allow to take residence in our own souls.  It is difficult to maintain a positive outlook on life when we are surrounded by hatred, bitterness, and negative energies.  If we do not protect ourselves from the negativity from others, who will?  My husband and I go out of our way to protect ourselves from outside negative influences.  We do this as a method of helping him through depression and anxiety because of his PTSD (a future post talks about this in greater detail).  Here are things we do to help ourselves and each other.

• Limit the people we are around.  We are both introverts, me more than him, so this isn't difficult for us.  However, extraverts can do this as well.  Simply ask yourself, "How do I feel after being around this person?"  If you feel icky, physically ill, exhausted, or grouchy almost every time you are around someone, try to be around him or her in small doses.  One of the things I have noticed about myself is that the more I am around people that make me feel that way, the more I become someone who is that way as well.  Some people's attitudes are toxic.  It is sad, but true.  
• Limit our exposure to negative media.  We don't have satellite or cable television just because we don't see the point in paying for it.  We have a lot of movies and we can watch any type of tv shows we desire either on Netflix or Hulu, or our tv isn't on all the time.  Generally, we watch a movie in the evenings, and more often than not (and not necessarily on purpose) we choose happier movies.  Last night we watched The Muppets.  We avoid things like regular news.  We are aware of some current events because we have friends and family who talk about it.  From time to time I will look up what is going on in the world, but we don't start or end our days out with all the negativity the news brings.  This is something that some will have an argument against, but really, our lives are better for not dwelling on it the way a lot of society does.  We do not pretend that bad things don't happen, nor do we look at the world through rose colored glasses.  We simply do not allow it to make an impact in our lives.  This also does not mean that we don't care, it just means that we are aware of the things we can and cannot control.  
• Social networking: here's the thing.  We are friends with people who have widely differing world views.  There are those who are conservative to the extreme and those who are liberal to the extreme.  If we are on a social networking site that is a platform for those who like to share their view on anything, from day to day life, politics, or religion, and it negative or critical, we limit what we see from them.  It is no secret that I have some people on a "restricted" list because I do not want negative comments on my posts.  I also have certain pages and sites blocked from showing on my newsfeed.  On Facebook, I created a list of pages that I like.  They focus on positive things, or things that make me happy, so I have a dose of "happy" whenever I go on.  It has really helped me out.  Instead of going on Facebook and experiencing all the drama and pissery that many people experience, I see uplifting quotes, pictures of nature, prayers, and other things that put a smile in my heart.
• Do things daily to help weed out the negative.  Husband goes on nature walks almost every day as a way to process his thoughts and emotions and to get alone and enjoy something beautiful.  He wrote, "Well, I have met brother bear, Seen the eyes of the great eagle, saw the cowardess of a bobcat, The sheer power of the puma, and the thoughtlessness of the wild boar, The slithering of snakes, and the slowest of snails. My hikes are wonderful and surprising. The black bear is the newest I've seen."  He has also created a type of oasis in our backyard.  I go for walks and try to do something spiritual everyday.  I also look at my environment and try to be grateful for things instead of complaining.  (I'm a good complainer, so I work on this one).  

An iris in our front yard

I have a friend who recommended a book to me called One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.  I haven't read it yet, but it is on my list.  From the summary of the book, it is about learning to express gratitude for everyday things.  In my positive psychology class, making a list of things we are grateful for was one activity that we did to measure our mood at the end of the week.  It makes a difference when we begin to measure the things that are positive in our lives and begin to focus on those things.  

These are all things that I am remembering today because it is the end of April in southern New Mexico and we have had snow and sleet where we usually have 60+ degree weather.  Usually by now our squash, beans, and tomatoes are well on their way to growing, but now we have hardly any sprouts.  So, instead of complaining about the weather, I'm telling myself, "I'm grateful for the moisture because we live in the desert.  I'm grateful for the time indoors husband and I can spend together today."  I've learned to love the beauty around me that can be seen in the ordinary and mundane things.  And these things help with maintaining health and wellness within my body, mind, and soul.  I challenge everyone to make some changes in your lives, just some small ones, that will help you look at things more positively and see how different you feel after a week, a month, half a year.  May you find positive things to encourage your health and wellness within.

Light and Love,

Amber


* Look at my pages, I have a book list and some links to other ways you can follow Eclectic Peanut. 

References

Peterson, Christopher. (2006). Positive Psychology. Oxford University Press, Inc.

  

Health and Wellness: Depression

It is another beautiful Spring day.  Today my husband and I are going to plant some more seeds in the garden. The tomatoes I started inside are just about ready to be planted.  With the coming of warmer weather and Spring, I've felt the need to be busy with things within the home.  One of my goals for life is to become more self-sustainable.  I want us to produce most of our own food, clothing, etc.  So, I've been working on creating.  I've been cleaning and designing our garden.  We took a drive to a lake northeast of us. It's been under construction and we wanted to see what's going on with it. Spring is beautiful in the mountainous regions of the desert. We had a wet winter so everything is greener than usual. The wild grasses are growing and the ground is peppered with wild flowers in yellows, whites, and purples.  As I write this we are on our way to a lake northwest of us to go fishing. Along the Gila River the soaring cottonwoods stretch their branches, now full of greenery, and let their cotton fall and collect like snow in the middle of summer. Getting out is a good feeling after a season of "winter blues" and doldrums.

Bill Evans Lake

I've thought long and hard about my next topic.  I thought maybe I would discuss sinus issues and allergies because it's the season for it.  One thing keeps coming back though.  Depression.  It is a difficult topic, but it is even more difficult to deal with.  Severe and debilitating depression should be discussed with a licensed professional such as a psychologist or counselor.  For more mild cases, there are things that can be done to help.  Or, you can use the information I provide here to discuss things with your mental healthcare provider.  (Please see my disclaimer).

One of my favorite books is Prescription for Herbal Healing.  It has an innumerable amount of valuable information in it.  I am providing a link to the edition I have, but there is a newer edition available.  This book contains information on all manner of herbs, how to prepare them in different ways, and a number of different health concerns.   Most herbs can be found at Mountain Rose Herbs. I have ordered from them and find quality herbs for good prices.  In the section on Depression, some herbs and herbal formulas are described.  There are two main herbs that have featured in research, St. John's Wort and Kava.  Both of these have shown to be beneficial in treating depression.  They are definitely something worth checking out with an herbalist or psychologist/counselor that specializes in natural remedies.

Another thing that this book has is a list of considerations and suggestions.  Balch (2002) suggests that getting at least 20 minutes of sun exposure a day can help with depression, and exercise helps as well.  I've talked about this before because being outside and going for walks are passions of mine, but it is definitely something that has shown to help.  This is usually my go-to for my doldrums and seasonal depressive feelings.  Sometimes I need to step out of the normal walking routine and get my husband to take me away to some place in nature to just soak in the clean air and peace.

Another thing that can help with depression is combining different practices such as meditation with the use of aromatherapy or essential oils.  DoTerra has essential oil blends such as Balance that promotes relaxation and feelings of peace and balance.  Serenity is another calming blend and PastTense is for easing tension.  Also, Elevation is a blend that elevates the mood and vitality.  All of these can be used in a diffuser for aromatherapy, or just open the bottle and smell.  They can also be used topically, rub some on your wrists or your neck.  If you do some these things combined with meditation, you will promote your own mental and emotional wellness.  I like to use nature sounds to help me focus on drowning out other things.  There is a wide variety of apps for computers, phones and tablets that help with nature sounds and white noise.

I think that one of the biggest things that can help with moods is to stop whatever is going on to encourage it and take time for yourself.  Take a steaming bath by candlelight, put a few drops of one of the essential oils listed above into your bath.  A friend of mine uses aromatic shower crystals.  I like to take a few minutes and journal what I'm feeling and thinking.  I also like to spend time in spiritual practice.  Say a prayer, light a candle, listen to spiritual music (I like Jason Upton for this purpose).  Life in today's society gives us a lot to handle and many times our natural responses are that of depression and anxiety.  While depression that is life debilitating should be discussed with a licensed professional, there are things we can do to help ourselves not feel overwhelmed.   Next time it hits you, try one of the things mentioned here, and if you find that your depression is so overwhelming that you cannot cope with life, please seek help with a counselor.

Light and Love,

Amber

** If you want more information on the research I have mentioned in this article, message me and I can give you the research.

Health & Wellness: Being Female

It's another lovely Spring day.  I've been thinking lately about publishing some other things I have written.  Almost everything I've written that wasn't specifically for school is geared toward children.  So, I have to find an illustrator for those.  A friend told me that I could learn to do watercolor painting via YouTube, but I haven't started that yet.  I have some other things that I am thinking about submitting to a magazine for publication.  Today, I saw a rhyme that made me suddenly have an entire outline of a book in my mind.  I started writing right away.  I usually get pieces or general story ideas, not entire outlines.  It makes me suspicious that I have heard it somewhere before, so I have a lot of research to do to make sure I not only write well and accurately, but to make sure I am not inadvertently plagiarizing someone else's story.  I'm beginning by talking about writing because it is something that I have wanted to do since I was very little.  I think I was 10-12 years old when I wrote my first short story.  There is only one other thing that I remember ever wanting to do, and that was before I learned I was creative in written word.  I wanted to be a carpenter like my dad.  I couldn't have been older than eight years.  I remember when I told him, he was flattered, but bothered too.  His reply wasn't harsh, though at eight the disapproval seemed harsh.  He told me that I couldn't be a carpenter because I am a girl.  I think this is my first memory of definite gender roles.  I knew the difference between male and female; I had two younger brothers by that time.  But, it never occurred to me that I couldn't do something because I'm a girl.  I don't blame my dad.  I don't know why he told me what he did, maybe he was thinking about his experiences as a carpenter and didn't want his daughter to experience the same things.  Maybe he was thinking about the gender roles that had been placed on him.  He was a carpenter because he was male, and at age 14 in our hometown, that is what you did.  Girls did other things like babysit.  Although I didn't always know, since then I have been confined by what others thought being female entailed.  For me it was society and religion.  My family was confined by the same ideals as I, so I do not blame them.  Growing up I loved to be outside, I wanted the typical home and a family thing that many other girls wanted, but I wanted to be outside.  I wanted to play in the mud.  I wanted to be considered tough and hardy.  I was a "tomboy" who didn't like sports, but loved frilly dresses and nail polish.  I loved camping with my family and I never understood why I couldn't be part of the boy scouts.  I shunned girl scouts because, lets face it, who wants to sell cookies when you can tie knots and camp in a foot of snow.  I would have made it to Eagle Scout, earned the Order of the Arrow, and showed up ALL the boys, especially my brothers. But, I couldn't.  "Girls work in the house.  Boys work outside."  My brother would taunt me.  I was outside as a kid, freer and able to shun others' ideologies for me, but as a teenager and into my young adulthood, I felt as though I had to be different than I felt I was naturally.  I had to be girly and become the "proper" woman if I wanted to win a worthwhile husband.  I didn't know that as an adult those same desires would come back to life.  Today, I still love being outside.  I still wear nail polish, but my feet are almost always grubby, today they are stained green from walking in the mown grass barefoot as I collected the cut clover and grass for the compost.  I'm always eager to get out and dig and turn over the ground for the new garden and I get mad when my husband does it without me.  But, I also love to knit and crochet, cook and keep my home.  And, my favorite of all, I married a man who actually likes to include his wife in things.  He takes me camping, hiking, and fishing, and is just as likely to cook dinner and clean the house as I am.  I am finally able to be me.  Female, in the role that feel like I fit in.   I define my femaleness.  Just as each woman should have the freedom to do.

In this freedom, I have been studying women's health; mental, physical, and spiritual. I didn't realize that there are so many books on women's well being. In this post I am going to share books, thoughts, and other things female.  I'm in the first half of Women Who Run with the Wolves and Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom.  I use Herbal Healing for Women as a reference guide for different things as they come up.  And finally, I have read Captivating three times.  The first book helps women to understand themselves emotionally and mentally.  So far, it has worked to reveal to me that we really do live in a world where everything has become defined by the male ideal.  It has taught me how to nurture my intuition and trust in myself.  The second and third books listed are about physical health. I haven't begun to delve into specific disorders or illnesses that women suffer from in either of these books, but I am learning about optimum physical health.  This isn't about a size or weight, it is about feeling well.  In the Herbal Healing book are herbal teas, one that I have been drinking regularly is called Female Tonic Tea.  It helps to balance a woman's chemistry.  I consider the last book I listed as a spiritual focus for women.  It is Christian in basic belief system, but it is NOT like other religious books I have read.  This one focuses on the woman as being woman.  I think it is safe to say that most Christian books for women focus on being servile, wives, mothers, or how to be perfect as a single woman to catch the right man.  This does none of those things, but focuses on women as women from a Christian perspective.

What is so important about femaleness?  I know from some of the things I have read and talking to other women that my experiences with gender roles and not measuring up to an ideal of what it means to be female is not a solitary experience.  Dr. Pinkola Estes states, "The modern woman is a blur of activity.  She is pressured to be all things to all people" (1992, p. 4).  This specific statement made so much sense to me. Stasi Eldredge (2005) states much the same about women in Christianity, they are exhausted, shells of what they could be.  Women everywhere suffer from so many things, whether it is a genuine unhappiness, severe depression, debilitating anxiety, or physical ailments that have no logical explanation, there is some type of "problem" that society says needs to be "fixed".  In reality, society needs fixed so that women can feel free to be themselves, define who they are without outside expectations or ideologies.  Dr. Pinkola Estes explains, "A woman's issues of soul cannot be treated by carving her into a more acceptable form as defined by an unconscious culture, nor can she be bent into a more intellectually acceptable shape by those who claim to be the sole bearers of consciousness" (1992, p. 6).  She continues by stating that the only way for women to truly become "well" is to learn about who we are naturally, to retrieve and nurture our inner wild selves.  Her specific way of helping women is to use fairy tales, myths, and folk tales to help uncover these aspects of wild womanhood.

I like the book The Mists of Avalon because it has perfect examples of wild women versus women bound by society and religion.  In Captivating, Eldridge tells us to think about women in books and films that appeal to us.  What do their characters say to us about ourselves, who we want to be, who our inner selves are dying to be?  I love stories of strong women.  I like movies that portray heroines rather than heroes and I like when women fight against all odds to figure things out and strive to live the lives they desire, outside of others expectations.  I love how Terry Goodkind portrays strong protagonist women in his books.  I suggest starting with Magda Searus: The First Confessor to get an idea of what I'm referring to.  I also like how he portrays the character evolvement of a group of women who have been abused and tortured to become fearsome weapons.  They start out as young girls, going through a horrible process to make them into creatures who delight in torturing others and end with finding delight in beautiful things in a way that they were never allowed to.  It is an accurate symbol of how some women feel today, of what society and life experiences have done to them.  All they need is someone to come and show them love and forgiveness, acceptance and understanding, the way the Mord-Sith did in this series.  I like to see women become free from the things that bind them to become the wild and free spirits we were meant to be.

I could write about this for the rest of my blogging career.  As it is, it has taken me several days to fully put into words the things I would like to present.  It has been a difficult post for me because I feel as though the things I am writing here go against the things I was taught in church and school.  I think the gist of this is that we need to come to terms with who we are, without societal and religious ideologies pushed on us.  We need to love ourselves and love one another.  We women can be so judgment of ourselves and other women.  I am the same, if we do not learn to love ourselves and support one another, who will?  This post isn't about female being better than male, or any type of man-hating.  Being male has its own hangups and hardships because of societal and religious ideologies.  But I don't know about the male experience.  I might get one of my brothers to write something about that.  But, I do know about my female experience. I know that I'm meant to be free, that we all are.  I know that this isn't about pay wages and clothing or anything like that.  It is about the deeper sense of self that women have not been allowed to feel or explore.  Fortunately we live in a time that is becoming more open to female-openness.  It is a perfect time for us to discover ourselves, who we are within, and learn to express ourselves openly and honestly.  It is our turn to fight against all odds to figure this thing out.  It is our turn to have the courage to say, "I will only live up to one ideal, and that will be defined by me."  I wish you Light and Love.

Amber

Health and Wellness: Regaining Health after a Brief Hiatus

It never ceases to amaze me how easy it is to make unhealthy decisions away from home.  This past weekend I went with my mom to visit my brother six hours away.  Due to a series of unfortunate events (I love using that phrase), we ended up having to wake up at 2:00 AM to be there by 8:00 AM.   After a long drive, mom and I had exhaustion overload about mid afternoon.  Even though we tried to make smart food choices by choosing high veggie meals, the junk food was right there, and after that drive, we deserved it.  Right?

THIS was the winner of the night for me.

So, needless to say, after two rainy days and no walking, and a weekend of lots of car-time and no walking, I was feeling overwhelmingly icky.  It is hard to maintain health during difficult and exhausting times.  It was more than the amazing desert.  It was a conglomeration between that, lack of sleep, too much time in the car, lack of exercise, and a break of my routine.  (My home is my sanctuary and too much time away makes me one unbalanced lady.)

When I returned home, my main goal for the next day was to begin to regain balance.  First of all, I mixed up a detox drink that I discovered on Pinterest.  I can't find the original pin, so I am going to relate the recipe here.  (You can follow me on Pinterest to see all things eclectic peanut.)

Detox Drink

2 tbsp raw apple cider vinegar
1 tbsp raw honey
1 cinnamon stick
1 or 2 slices of fresh ginger root

I like to put the ginger and cinnamon into an infuser glass, add the ACV and honey and just enough hot water to dissolve the honey to the bottom of the container.  Fill the rest of the glass with water, adding ice if desired.  I like to use this one for a large wide mouth mason or ball canning jar.  I will sip on it until it's gone and refill the glass, using the same cinnamon and ginger.  This drink helps your body get rid of inflammation and "bloat" caused by too many unhealthy carbs and the wrong fats.

The next thing I do to help myself physically and spiritually is to get back on my activity schedule.  I went for my 1.5 mile walk and spent quality time in my yard interacting with nature.  I also cleaned my entire house.  I think this was an activity that helped my state-of-mind most.  When I eat too many sugars, bad carbs, and wrong fats, I get brain-fog and major sinus pressure build up in my head.  I am still learning how to counteract this when I make bad decisions, but one of the things I do is to cut back severely on breads.  I make our bread products, so they are healthier than store-bought, but cutting them out and reintroducing a smaller amount is how I rebalance my diet.  I generally only use honey and don't keep a store of sweets, and we use healthy oils and fats, so this rebalances itself over time.  I also use some essential oils from DoTerra to alleviate the pain and pressure.   I put one drop of peppermint, 2 drops of lavender, and a drop of lemon into my palm and massage onto the base of my skull, behind my ears, and on my temples.  The lavender is a natural antihistamine so it will fight any allergy reactions, peppermint has the same burning-cooling you get from something like BenGay or Icy-Hot (only it comes from nature!), and the lemon adds scent that I find appealing.  The effect on headaches and sinus pressure is immediate.  The effect on my mood is immediate as well.

Bright orange-golden poppies bringing life to the desert.

I've had a week where my focus has been more contemplative than on outward sharing.  When I take time away, I always have to do serious contemplation and recuperation.  This week has been that for me.  It has taken me all week to finish this one post (although I've started another!).  I am feeling appreciative about the new life coming from Spring.  If you follow me on Instagram, you will be able to see all of the beautiful things I appreciate about Spring.  I like to experience the awakening of the birds and the bees, and the blooming of trees and flowers.  We have grass returning to our yard and the cauliflower, radish, lettuce, and spinach have sprouted in the garden.  We are going to grow birdseed this year and have a wide variety of other fruit and vegetables planned.  Spring is a tonic to the soul, it allows us to get out and interact with nature in a way that we haven't since the end of Autumn.  If you have to take long weekends or other types of trips, I encourage you to take time out when you return to look around you and appreciate your living space.  Take part in nature and breathe in her healing.  In all things, work to regain balance and serenity in your home and life to promote your best level of health and wellness.

Light and Love,

Amber

Health and Wellness: An Intro to Essential Oils

It rained for about three days.  In New Mexico, we don't regularly have rain in March.  Our monsoon season starts around mid June-July and can last until August-September.  The rain we had for the past three days was just a slow, steady drizzle.  We love getting spring rains at our house.  We get to let nature work her way in our garden.  I noticed something about people in the Southwest.  We love to get rain, almost always claim we are in a drought and need it.  But, if you give us the type of persistent rain that other parts of the country sees, by day three, many people walk around with full-blown depression written all over their faces.  I do it too!  Its as if the rain has determined our state of mind.  This differs from Seasonal Affective Disorder, this is just a serious case of the doldrums.  Do people in other parts of the country experience this phenomenon?  What if a majority of depressive symptoms and Depression were a direct result of humans not understanding nature and how to be more in tune with her?  I believe this can be the case in many instances, but I don't know if there is research to support it.  I do know that there are ways for us to help ourselves in becoming more in tune with the natural world around us.  For this post I want to focus on essential oils.

I started a post about a week ago that was supposed to be an introduction to health and wellness.  I was going to begin focusing on mental health, but I just couldn't figure out how to introduce it to my satisfaction.  After I learned about selling essential oils and began my journey of discovery, I decided that would be my avenue.  I am relatively new to them myself.  About a year ago I bought my first introductory kit and have learned all manner of uses for lemon, peppermint, and lavender oil.   Since I signed up to begin selling essential oils, I have learned some new areas that they can help.

Before I begin, (Disclaimer!) I would like to make sure that everyone reading knows that there are serious mental health concerns that can be helped with essential oils and other natural means; however, seeking a professional is often the best course of action.  I am here to provide information so that you can have the knowledge to best help you in consulting others.  Professionals who deal with mental health include psychologists, counselors, some social workers, and some nutritionists and herbalists.   Nutritionists and herbalists may not have professional education for mental health, but they can offer you more detailed information on natural ways to deal with mental health.  If you have questions for me that are private, my email is in my profile on this blog.  I am not a licensed counselor or social worker; I have a lot of good information that can help in seeking one.  I have an understanding of mental health, so I can give advice and information.  I am neither a certified nutritionist nor herbalist (yet), but I have information that can help on your path to gaining help from others.  I am also not a medical doctor or midwife, so nothing I share should be taken as medical advice.  I also would like to encourage everyone to seek out a spiritual advisor or friend.  I believe in the mind-body-spirit connection and find it healthy to maintain positive spirituality (whatever that path may be for you).  Seek your religious or spiritual leaders or friends who hold the same belief, or email me if you want someone to talk to about spiritual matters.

I wrote another post about my vision for my blog/business.  I would also like to take this time to briefly describe my degrees.  My Bachelor of Science in Psychology with minors in Philosophy and History basically means that I like psychology, considered becoming a psychologist, but found a new focus later on.  I learned a lot about psychology for my BS, but I also love philosophy and history.  My Master of Arts in Interdisciplinary Studies with focuses in Counseling and Social Work was created because I loved differing characteristics in both fields.  I like the aspect of counseling where I learned about working with people one on one to help them reach the best health possible.  I learned a lot of techniques in helping others and how to provide information.  This provision of information is partially what led me to Social Work.  Social workers are unparalleled in helping people find the information they need.  They can work with small groups, large groups, communities, cities, and individuals.  They have a broad vision for equality and believe that every individual has a story that matters.  I liked both areas, but didn't want to function solely in either area so I focused on both to create my own definition of helping people in conjunction with natural and conventional methods of treating health and wellness.  This means that part of my future is to get certificates in nutrition and herbalism.

As I shared before my commercial, part of my continued learning is my newest passion for essential oils.  You can email me from this blog with questions or from my blog's Facebook page.  Essential oils are oils extracted from nature.  Every plant has an oil base that can be extracted under the right conditions.  Many plants have some sort of medicinal property.  With the company I signed on with, you can get these oils in various blends or products, or individually.  All of DoTerra's oils are Certified Pure Therapeutic Grade, and beyond 100% organic.  This means that they are of the highest quality.  If you are interested in exploring essential oils,  you can follow the link and see what types of products are offered on the website.  If you want a basic beginner's pack, I suggest purchasing the Introduction to Essential Oils Kit.  If you are looking for something specific, you can ask me for advice and I can point you in the right direction.  There are also other packs available like Family Physician, Emergency Preparedness, and AromaTouch Technique.

I have had family and friends recently make references to some ailments they are facing.  A couple of them deal with high anxiety and stress.  I have begun to research some essential oils to help them with their high anxiety moments, panic attacks, and stressful situations.  In the AromaTouch Technique Kit, there are two oils that work to manage stress.  The first is the basic Lavender blend, the second in Balance.  Balance is a blend of Spruce, Ho Wood, Frankincense, Blue Tansy, and Blue Chamomile oils.  These have been put together by DoTerra for the specific purpose of helping individuals release stress and feel grounded.  (Remember, my post on Walking Spirituality has other grounding techniques).  Balance helps to promote whole body relaxation and evoke feelings of tranquility and balance.  The best place to rub essential oils is on the soles of the feet, but other areas for stress can be on the wrists and back of the neck.  You may do the same with lavender, or you can purchase an atomizer or diffuser that works to spread the scent into the room.  Even opening the bottle to simply smell the oils can help create a relaxing effect within your system.  AromaTouch can help in relieving tension as well.  It is created to work with the muscles in our bodies to promote relaxation.  AromaTouch combines Basil, Grapefruit, Cypress, Marjoram, Peppermint, and Lavender oils.

Another use for AromaTouch blend is to improve circulation and soothe joints.  I have family members who suffer from chronic joint and leg pain.  With what I have begun to learn about these oils, I am going to begin recommending AromaTouch and Deep Blue blends.  Deep Blue contains Wintergreen, Camphor, Peppermint, Blue Tansy, German Chamomile, and others to help soothe sore muscles and achy joints and support healthy circulation.  Deep Blue can also be purchased as a rub.  Both of these can be used to help sooth pain and promote restful sleep.

There are so many other things I could address, but I think these are some of the most basic to begin with.  So many of us suffer from stress and anxiety.  So many of us have some kind of persistent pain.  Taking a minute to use an essential oil or two to help with these things can help us in our journey to better health and wellness.  Remember, if you have any questions, please feel free to email me from my blog or leave a message for me on Eclectic Peanut's Facebook page.

Light and Love,

Amber

On Bullies

I use the National Geographic Bird Identification App

It's a grey overcast day.  The birds are still out, serenading everyone who will listen.  The goldfish and our one Koi are out, even the tiny babies.  They swim lazily through the chilly water.  Our apple trees are almost in bloom, the little dark pink buds are peeking out, promising the bees of sweetness to come.  I love watching the birds swoop in and out for seed.  We have identified a couple of new ones, the Dark-Eyed Junco is the most frequent visitor.  When we first started feeding the birds, we loved that fact that we could draw in up to 20 doves at a time, in addition to all the smaller song birds.  The most prominent dove is the White Winged Dove, but we have also had Eurasian Collared Doves and the tiny Inca doves.  The Eurasian Collared and Inca Doves are docile, just hanging out getting food.  But the White Winged Doves are bullies.  We have bullies in our playground!  All the birds have quarrels with one another, usually it is the females squabbling at the males, but the White Winged Doves actually attack one another, the other doves, and even the little sparrows and finches.  They take all the food and attack anyone else that comes near.  They will go so far as to charge down the fence at any other bird that perches there.  Everyone else in our bird playground shares.  Last year we had a Lovebird that would come around.  Someone's pet had gotten loose.  I'm not sure what happened to him, and I hope he found a warm place to hibernate for the winter.  But, even this odd-one-out didn't have a problem with most of the others.  Almost everything in our backyard lives in peace.  Our fish don't fight, the bees and yellow jackets won't bother you if you don't bother them.

Isn't it typical that in a place of serenity and calm you get at least one individual who is ready to cause problems for everyone else.  For no reason other than the desire (or instinct) to survive.  It is odd how so many can live in perfect harmony, without sickness and disease, all death is part of the normal way of things, not premature, but one group or individual feels as though it isn't enough.  I wonder if the doves think through this in their own way.  The Canyon Towhee just showed up for the first time this Spring.  I was a bully once.  From junior high through high school, though less in later high school.  I was also bullied in 6th grade.  It is a large contrast.

In 6th grade, I was kind of smart and made sure to do all my homework.  There were a couple of girls that were mean, they liked to do things to humiliate me like pull my pants down in front of everyone. They would also hit me and threaten to beat me if I didn't do their homework.  Sometime after 6th grade and before 7th grade where I would be attending the junior high, a shift occurred.  I don't remember having reasoned out that if I became mean I wouldn't be beat up anymore, but I think even then I knew that I was afraid and I hated it so I became intimidating.  It's a horrible feeling, fear.  It is even worse when you know that you are making others feel the same way.  I went through this cycle of hating myself and pretending to think I was better than everyone else.  It was horrible.  In looking back, I realize that I felt like I had to survive.  Just like the doves.  But, I think that if I could go back and teach myself something it would be that kindness can deflate even the worst of bullies.  I think that if I would have known then that consistent kindness and acceptance can touch the hurting part of a bully, and diffuse the anger and fear.

At some point between high school, young adulthood, and now (I'm 34), I came to this realization.  I quit feeling the need to defend myself (most of the time) and I learned how to love.  I learned that by showing love and loving even the unloveliest of individuals, there could be hope for a brighter future for him or her.  Bullies aren't that different from those who establish self-destructive behaviors like drug and alcohol abuse, cutting, etc.  The pain is the same.  Words like "useless" and "worthless" are still heard over and over again in the brain.  The difference is the reaction to the pain.  One destroys the pain within the self and the other seeks to make others feel and recognize the pain.  So, when I hear of bullying and how extensive it has become in society, I do feel for those being bullied.  I get it.  I understand being ostracized because I was different from everyone else.  I understand being so afraid to go to school or work because of what could happen.  I understand being afraid to walk down the street because you've had strangers mock and grab at you.

I also feel for the bully.  I understand the anger and hatred for everyone because of how horrible it feels to be "the bully".  I understand feeling lost and alone and not having any way to control anything in life except to take it out on others.  I understand being tired of the ridicule and judgment to the point that, "I won't just stand up for myself, I will make sure you don't even get the chance to think things toward me." Bullies make me sad, has there been no one to show that person real love and kindness?  The kind of love and kindness that looks beyond the differences.  The kind of love and kindness that creates light within the individual and gives him or her something to stand on.  The kind of love that repeatedly tells the individual, "Hey, you don't have to be angry all the time.  You don't have to fight.  I see you and you matter."  The kind of love that shows the individual that some types of behavior are unacceptable, but the worth of the individual is not diminished.  I am grateful that I had some people in my life that could show these things to me that I could learn to be strong and kind, an individual and loving and compassionate.  It is these people who have made me want to see other bullies for who they are and show them the things that were shown to me.

Have you ever seen Ender's Game (or read the book)?  There is a part in the movie where Ender describes how he can look at the aggressor and see his vulnerability.  He says that it is at that moment where you know you can destroy someone, but you also come to understand him.  Have you ever had someone look at you and just know that they can see through the exterior you have put up into your very soul?  I have.  It's unsettling and comforting.  In my last post I spoke about becoming someone who sees.  This is the same.  If we continue to fight the aggressor with the same methods they fight, we will get nowhere, we will just destroy one another.  If we stop, see the aggressor, and understand him or her, we can then have compassion and disarm him or her.  We can teach them to love and show kindness.   We can love with the kind of love that says, "Your behavior is unacceptable, but you are valued."

I didn't know I was going to write about this.  I honestly started off just jotting down my observations about my yard and nature around me.  I think about this often though because I see a lot of judgment toward people who are hurting within just as much as those they hurt.  Even if they don't realize or acknowledge their hurt, it is there.  It comes in the guise of hatred, violence, and ignorance.  Some bullies act out of ignorance because they have never been shown or taught love that sees beyond difference.  This ignorance is a hurt that resides within, invisible to the carrier, until it explodes and harms others.  Ignorance can be the worst hurt because nobody wants to admit that they are ignorant of something, that they have been wrong about a lifetime of actions.  Admitting bad behavior and acknowledging the hurt of ignorance means we have to gain empathy for all those we've hurt.  When I first started recognizing how much I had hurt others, I went through a new cycle of self-condemnation and hatred.  I had to forgive myself, and for those I could reach, I had to apologize.  Feeling the hurt that we cause others is not a fun experience.  But it is necessary if we are going to properly heal and forgive.  It is necessary if we are going to ensure that we are going to change bad behavior.

I wish there were some way I could apply this to the bully doves in my yard. I wish I could show them that we are establishing a balanced ecosystem here and there is no need for unkindness.  I wish some people weren't as hard to reach as the doves.  

Light and Love,

Amber

On Finding Yourself and Accepting Others

I was going to start a new series on natural ways to help with mental health concerns, but I just wasn't feeling the flow.  I have to have flow to write, I cannot force it.  I saw a couple of posts on Facebook that made me pause. I love the things this author posts on her various pages on Facebook. (All of the pictures I find on Facebook contain a link in the caption.  If there is no link, the picture is my own).

Picture found on Sue Fitzmaurice, Author

On the same morning that I read this post, I read some others about "being yourself".  It seems to be a common thread in society.  It is sad that we have to struggle to be accepted as ourselves.  It is even sadder that many of us don't truly know who we are at our cores because we have striven for so long to be someone we are not.  When does it all end, this ceaseless harboring of false expectations on others?  We all place expectations on others, at the same time that we bemoan living up to the expectations put on us.  The author Terry Goodkind wrote in several of his books, "Each of us can only be who we are."  (Here is his author page on Amazon).

I am sitting outside this morning, listening to the fountain in our small goldfish pond and the singing of the birds.  They are all twitterpated, swooping in and out of the yard to snag bits of birdseed.  We have made it a hobby to watch the birds in our yard, and have gone as far as identifying them.  I am reminded of the Bible verse that talks about the birds, "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.  Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?" (Matthew 6: 25-26)  It goes on to discuss the beauty or "splendor" of the lilies of the field.  I also like that Chapter 7 starts with, "Do not judge..."  We can learn valuable things from nature, that is why I adore it so much, find my inspiration and spirituality there.  We can see from the verses I shared that one of the greatest spiritual leaders of all time knew this; he retreated to the wilderness and he used nature and the natural order of things to teach.

Our goldfish pond.  All done up by husband. 

In all of nature, humans are the only beings that worry and judge over things that are meaningless.  We create in others the needless drive to "measure up".  Humanity is exhausted by the work to make more, have more, and be more.  It is this endless striving to be better than the other that causes war.  My husband, who is a war veteran, stated the other night, "Ending war is simple.  All we have to do is love one another and share our resources instead of hating and fighting." Is it really that simple?  How can we "love our neighbor as ourselves"  when we don't even know who we are?

Who are you?  I'm not asking what your name is, whether you are a parent or spouse, daughter/son, sister/brother.  I'm not referring to your job title or how much money you make.  I don't need to know where you live, the condition of your home or vehicle.  I am not talking about how you look, the color of your hair, eyes, skin.  I am asking you, who are you?  Take away everything you have and own; disregard your position in the family.  What is left?  Can you get a sense of who you are at your core?  This is difficult because we have learned to define ourselves by external things.  Many of us cannot get a sense of who we are.  Remember, at your core, you are NOT your bad habits, you are NOT your addiction.  You are NOT the negative things that people have said or thought about you.  You are lovely.  You are valuable.  When we take the time to survey our inner selves and begin to discover who we are, we often find that we are unhappy too.  This is because we have been taught that who we are isn't enough.  We almost always feel as though there is something we should change.  But that's not correct.

I believe that if we each did one small thing a day that helped us to live in acceptance of ourselves, we would in turn accept others as who they are.  Every individual has this deep desire to have someone see them, not as they appear on the outside, but who they are in their inner self.  We desire to hear, "I see you.  And you matter."  If we each become that person that sees, the world will become a better place.  If we stop worrying about all the expectations others have, and we quit judging others because of our false expectations, what would society look like then?  Would everyone be so exhausted at striving to become?  Maybe it is as simple as my husband said.  We cannot change everyone, but we can find ourselves and accept others.  We can spread an attitude of acceptance and love.  We can quit striving to be someone different and learn to love ourselves and recognize that the best we can be is who we are at our core.

May you find acceptance for yourself and learn to see others.  I see you.  You are valuable and you are loved.

Light and Love,

Amber